Saturday, October 19, 2013

#viciouscycle

I haven't been able to write for . . . two weeks I think?  Geez, I don't even know how long it's been.  The only thing I know is that my mind says to me: "It's time to get crackin'!"  To that I say, well, yeah, I'd really like to but when I stare at the open document for Red Silk you just come up blank, mind.  What are you trying to do to me, huh?

I realize two weeks isn't really that long to be worried about a block, but my brain is just so persistent.  It's subconsciously worrying me to get things done.  On top of that doubts are creeping in.  Now that I've slowed down to look at what I've created, I'm biting my lip and saying: "Eh . . .  I don't know If I like this."  And so then ensues the chain reaction that no one will ever want to read it, very few will like it, I'll never be a good author despite my best efforts . . .

But if I know what's good and I know what's bad, then surely I am good at this writing thing?  Maybe I just wasn't meant to write big books.  But then I tell myself I'm fairly young.  I've got tons of time to keep writing and keep failing and keep improving.  But then I tell myself I can't be so optimistic.  That would jinx everything, obviously. HASH TAG VICIOUS CYCLE.

Well, here's the problem.  Correction: problems.  I have a bad habit of trying to wait, no . . . wait, wait, wait . . . WAIT, just WAIT a little longer!  Wait, not yet! Not yet!  You can't write that part yet!  Stop!  It's too soon!  Get my point?

"Well (this is an example) Elexiandria only just left for the Primsomonkoly forrest three chapters ago.  She can't run into the rogue, handsome, ten-day stubble kissed square jawed, dark and shadowy huntsman who she may or may not fall in love with yet.  But gee, I can't just put in three more chapters of meaningless filler.  How do I come up with something that'll pertain to the story later?"

So when I get stuck like this,  I've usually been away from my story for a while and have gotten out of tune with the vibe and all that.  What do I do then?  I reread my story from the beginning.  And guess what?  It's utter crap in my eyes.  It's all crap, crap, crap.  How did I get excited about this story with this crap beginning chapter?  THIS is what inspired everything else I wrote?  How in the world?  That must mean the rest of it's crap too!

Because I have another bad habit of starting off with a fixed way that the characters are going to speak, but then completely forget I had formed that notion in the first place.  WHY DO I DO THESE THINGS TO MYSELF? WHY?

Well, I was hoping a blog post would get that writers block out of my system.  Was I right?  We'll see.  In the meantime, if you can identify with this feeling, this vicious cycle of craziness I suffer from, feel free to comment.  Have a wonderful day!

#hashtag

2 comments:

  1. haha isn't it crazy how venting on your blog makes it easier to write? I did the same thing, I wa slike..what is this blasphemy! It WORKS! the writers block is gonnneee! Also I LOVE the new site layout.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks! I know, right? I told myself to stop trying to "wait for it" and just get along with the story. Who cares if I get to my ending too quickly? I'm not worried. I'm just going to go full speed and hope I don't wreck.

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